In an effort to build an audience for Everything You Need to Survive the Apocalypse, my debut novel releasing in January 2012, I will be self-publishing several YA novellas over the next few months. I wrote these novellas over the course of two weeks in early July, while I was living in what had been described on Craigslist as “the world’s first hotel made entirely of living organisms” and turned out to be exactly that. I won’t get into the details except to say that I’m not sure why I thought it would be a good idea to book a nonrefundable two-week stay at the world’s first hotel made entirely of living organisms. And that I now have chlorophyll instead of blood, and bugs instead of bones.
Anyway, here’s an EXCLUSIVE excerpt from the novella I’m releasing today on lookitsabook.com (for just $3.99!). Hope it whets your appetite!
A Very Historical Time Indeed
a young adult novella by Lucas Klauss
Chapter 1
“Truly, we live in historical times,” declared young Abe Lincoln as he ambled down the road. It was dusty, as many things were then.
“Indeed,” proclaimed his best friend, young Frederick Douglass, who ambled beside him. “Very historical times are among us.”
“What with slavery and women not being able to vote,” added Abe as he doffed his very tall hat, which was normal and called a stovepipe.
“And of course the Civil War that is hearkening unto us most quickly,” offered Frederick. ”I fear it. You should try to be president during it.”
Abe laughed quite loudly. “Oh my, Frederick. Me, the sixteenth president of the United States of America? What a jest!”
“I jest not, friend! These historical times require historical men such as I and thee. Let us shirk not our destinies.” Frederick referred to them as men even though they were only seventeen, for people at that time lived only forty years or so. Plus, he wore a large, gray beard, so he looked like a man of at least twenty and six.
“Destiny?” young Abe Lincoln said. He had just begun to grow a beard, like his friend, Frederick, but he felt sure he would shave it off soon. How it itched!
Suddenly a spirit materialized in the middle of the road, which was more believable then. The spirit wore a white wig, had wooden teeth, and was George Washington.
“Good morrow, young sirs,” said the spirit.
“Good morrow, George Washington,” the young men replied.
“Listen thee,” Washington said to young Abe in a slightly older version of English. “For I was the first president of the United States of America before I died. I was a good president, but I did not end slavery. How that choice haunts me, even unto death, which otherwise is quite pleasant!”
Abe and Frederick were delighted to hear that the afterlife was enjoyable, but anguished to see such a historical man in such great pain, even if he didn’t end slavery as he should have.
“The man who becomes the sixteenth president,” continued the spirit of George Washington, “will have he an opportunity to issue a proclamation ending slavery once and for all! In doing so, he willst become the most historical man in the history of America. Hear ye?”
“Hear we,” Abe and Frederick stated, astonished.
“Most excellent. Abe, I urge thee to the presidency of which I speak. Only thee, of all the young men in America, with the exception of young Frederick here, possess the might to resist the temptations of being so historical as well as the ability to deliver important addresses, such as Gettysburg ones. I apologize magnificently, Frederick, but a black man won’t be elected president until the year 2008.”
Young Frederick appreciated George Washington’s apology, but was still somewhat angry.
“I must return now!” George Washington’s spirit proclaimed. “Heed my words, young Abe! Free the slaves! And become historical! But be thee nice about it! And keep thine beard growing!”
George Washington dissolved into the air. The two young friends stood in the silence that seemed to settle around them like chicken feathers. Most people then owned chickens.
“You were true,” young Abe spoke to his friend. “As true as George Washington himself.”
“I always am,” young Frederick said humorously and they laughed.
“I will become the sixteenth president of the United States of America,” young Abe whispered to the wind that carried across the plains toward Washington, DC.
“And the most historical man of these historical times,” young Frederick intoned.
“Not if I have anything to say about it,” declared a young man with a moustache whose name was John Wilkes Booth. He was a bully at the same school they all went to. Bullies existed then as they do now but more often carried revolvers.
John Wilkes Booth pulled out his revolver.
Then Abe and Frederick pulled out theirs. Most people, actually, carried revolvers.
An exciting gun battle ensued that didn’t happen in real history but was nevertheless very historical.
Especially when young Mark Twain showed up.
(A Very Historical Time Indeed is available now at lookitsabook.com for $3.99.)
1 Notes