February 2012
5 posts
Look, I’m not saying you *have* to think my book is “thoughtful” and “often witty” or that it features many “well-drawn” relationships. I’m just saying that’s what the professional book reviewers at Publisher’s Weekly think.
1 tag
In an effort to further promote Everything You Need to Survive the Apocalypse, my debut young adult novel, I will be self-publishing a few YA novellas throughout the year. This particular novella, which I wrote a couple of years back, was originally an adult thriller set amid the high-stakes chaos of the 2008 financial crisis. After sending it to several hundred agents and getting no takers, I...
2 tags
Songs Brendan ruined
“What I Like About Brendan” by The Romantics
“With or Without Brendan” by U2
“All You Need is Brendan” by The Beatles
“Someone Like Brendan” by Adele
“Single Ladies (Put a Brendan On It)” by Beyonce
“Brendan Jean” by Michael Jackson
“Total Eclipse of the Brendan” by Bonnie Tyler
“Like a Bat out of...
Inside tip for my Tumblr friends: Even though I say—in my post for Amazon’s blog today—that I like not eating chicken fingers all the time now that I’m an adult, that’s not actually true. I just said that for the joke. I totally would eat chicken fingers all the time still if I could!
Now you know that I will completely sell myself out for a mildly funny joke about...
1 tag
January 2012
11 posts
2 tags
An excerpt from Booklist’s starred review of APOCALYPSE: “Insightful, humorous, and truthful….Already a skilled and polished writer, first-novelist Klauss offers adult and youth characters that are developed, realistic, and provocative….This book could well become the sort of came-from-nowhere, sustained hit that Stephen Chbosky’s Perks of Being a Wallflower proved to...
1 tag
As an author, there is nothing I value more highly than protecting my readers’ trust. Not even money, which authors don’t make a lot of, by the way. Therefore, when I endorse a product and/or business here on my blog, I only endorse products and/or businesses that I personally use, understand, and like very much. I wouldn’t spend my (and your) valuable time writing about...
My eight tips for aspiring writers
This month I finally achieved my long-held dream of becoming a published author. And I have to say, it’s been pretty sweet so far. Seeing my book in stores, hearing from fans, setting out on a national tour that took me everywhere from Brooklyn to Atlanta to Brooklyn—these experiences are the incredible realization of what, for years and years, seemed a far-fetched ambition. I truly am grateful...
2 tags
The Sasquatch's social circle
The Basquatch (good friend)
The Jasquatch (pretty good friend)
The Trasquatch (mentor, hunting buddy)
The Masquatch (beloved wife)
The Kelsquatch Sasquatch-Masquatch (cherished daughter)
Devin the Fox (fox)
The Prasquatch (jackass brother)
The Kalkasquatch (emotionally distant sister)
The Yarsquatch (boisterous, drunkard father)
The Ostersquatch (deceased, uncaring mother)
The...
1 tag
I had one (1) metric ton of fun sitting down for a conversation on Ramsey Ess and Adam Maid’s podcast, Wonderful, Thanks. Click here to listen to us talk about why I became the Milkfuls guy in high school, why Downton Abbey is suddenly so damn popular, urinary-tract-invading robots, English teachers, catchphrases, and, of course, the apocalypse. There are one or two curse words.
1 tag
John Galt apologizes
For years, you have been asking: Who is John Galt?
And where the hell did he and his bastard friends go?
Well, this is John Galt speaking. Again. I’m really sorry for taking over the airwaves. Again. But I owe you, the surviving American public, an apology and a follow-up explanation—at the very least. And this time there won’t be any melodramatic diction or pseudo-Nietszche crap, I swear. I...
2 tags
The Pew Speculation Center was founded in 1991 (probably) with three (maybe four) purposes: 1. to identify stuff that American citizens want to know but don’t care enough to actually find out, 2. to think up things that explain the aforementioned stuff, and 3. present those things in the form of data. The other reason had something to do with the year 2000, we think.
Today we are proud to...
2 tags
The most nonexistent states in the United States...
Joshifornia
Washongton
West West Wesssst Virginia
New Gas Station
The Freshest Territories
Underneath Delaware
The State Where Puppies Run a State
Joshylvania
Puerto Rico
Fake Canada
Internet Oklahoma
The State Where Everything’s Only 99¢
A Hopeless Place
Richard Scarry’s Supposed Birthstate
Hair-o-land
The State ONLY for Barbaras and Barbs NO EXCEPTIONS
Australia
...
2 tags
1 tag
As an author, I am a witty, charming, observant, and kind person who is wise beyond his years. However, as an only recently published and mostly unknown author, not enough people are aware of all that. They simply haven’t bothered to find out.
So, until the day I receive my due notoriety and praise, I will have to settle for answering questions that have been posed to other, more famous...
So. I guess the earth didn’t explode? I mean, I’m looking around and everything seems to still be in place, more or less. No explosions at all, really. I imagine you’re having a similar experience.
Well. Okay. Good! I guess I just miscalculated? Let me just go back real quick and check…
Ohhhhhh. Yeah. Totally miscalculated. The earth isn’t exploding for another...
December 2011
5 posts
You may be interested to know that my McSweeney’s piece, “The Seething Resentment Reading Series,” was named as one of the best humor pieces of 2011 by Splitsider. But you may not. I would totally get that and it would be okay with me!
4 tags
Tips for what to do with your last week of earth...
Guys, if you’re reading this, chances are you’re one of the few people in the world who actually seems to give a crap that the world’s only ONE WEEK AWAY from blowing up. I don’t know what the problem is. I tried to warn everybody! But, as of this writing, only about 650 people have seen that video. What about the other 6,999,999,350 people?!?!
Not that I’m...
2 tags
Only 14 days until the molten core of the earth...
And also my book comes out.
2 tags
21 days until the planet explodes
Hey, y’all. Just a friendly reminder that the whole world is going to blow up in less than a month.
I guess I’m a little surprised at what I’m seeing out there on the streets, which is to say not the total chaos of people attempting to fulfill their final and most secret wishes as the final hours of humanity close in but rather the sometimes silly and disgusting but mostly...
2 tags
October 2011
2 posts
Dear Cherished Reader
Hello. Thank you for reading. You are cherished.
As you may be aware, I have been writing a New Book over the past several months. The process is going pretty well so far and I have a big chunk of a first draft. Buuuuut. I need to get an even bigger chunk of the New Book written before Everything You Need to Survive the Apocalypse comes out on January 4th.
So. Posting, I’m afraid, will be...
1 tag
I understand that the Limbo House was not a tremendous success last year. If anyone understands that, I do. It’s been my greatest shame in eight years of deacondom.
In retrospect, we went too literal. Very few teenagers, it turns out, are interested in learning about speculative theology and thoughts about the temporary, in-between spiritual state of unbaptized children and ancient Jews....
September 2011
30 posts
2 tags
1 tag
There’s an excellent article in the most recent issue of Rolling Stone about the first year of Late Night with David Letterman. The article isn’t available online to non-subscribers*, but here’s an excerpt I found fascinating:
By the end of its first year, Late Night was still a cult hit, drawing only a million viewers a night. A-list guests remained elusive. But a few big...
1 tag
1 tag
Hello, Resident,
We at NYCWasteLess wanted to notify you of an exciting new development in your neighborhood! This Monday, you’ll notice that your usual green and blue recycling bins have been joined by a hole in the ground halfway filled with dirt. This is your building’s new Aspiration Recycling bin!
Once a renewable resource, aspirations have become much more scarce due to the...
1 tag
As an author, I am a witty, charming, observant, and kind person who is wise beyond his years. However, as a not quite published and mostly unknown author, not enough people are aware of all that. They simply haven’t bothered to find out.
So, until the day I receive my due notoriety and praise, I will have to settle for answering questions that have been posed to other, more famous...
2 tags
1 tag
“I’m gonna do this show until they won’t let me anymore.”
– Louis CK
That’s good news. Louie is probably the boldest and most inventive show on TV. It’s thrilling to watch the episodes unfold.
The whole first season is now available on Hulu.
1 tag
1 tag
Lucas Klauss Day
Whereas, he recently started saving empty toilet paper rolls for the recycling bin,
Whereas, he has just the right amount of uncertainty in his voice when trying to pronounce entrees at Mexican restaurants,
Whereas, he can see how both sides of the education reform debate have reasonable viewpoints,
Whereas, he read the Song of Ice and Fire books way before they were cool but doesn’t make...
1 tag
SPONSORED POSTS help pay for the upkeep of lucasklauss.com and for the purchase of sandwiches. Please support my sponsors so I may support my sandwiches. By eating them. Thank you.
Does stress keep you awake at night?
If so, it’s time to make the switch to a Cash Number bed! Cash Number beds are the ONLY beds stuffed full of warm, soft American cash, the most comfortable and reassuring...
1 tag
1 tag
WatchA traditional video commemorating a very special time of the year.
1 tag
Very smartly plotted, with a huge and satisfying expansion of the fictional world from The Magicians. (Which is also great, if you didn’t know.) Not as thematically focused as its predecessor, but poignant nevertheless and a lot of fun. As a writer, it sometimes made me seethe with jealousy, but mostly just impressed the sh*t out of me.
Also, I learned the word “fug” from it.
1 tag
In an effort to build an audience for Everything You Need to Survive the Apocalypse, my debut novel releasing in January 2012, I will be self-publishing several YA novellas over the next few months. I wrote these novellas over the course of two weeks in early July, while I was living in what had been described on Craigslist as “the world’s first hotel made entirely of living...
1 tag
In response to the controversy
So I need to offer a bit of a riposte to some aspects of yesterday’s Times trend piece, ”In Brooklyn Subculture, Some Friends Require Assembly.” In case you haven’t seen it, the article is (or tried to be) a survey of the Brooklyn “robobuddy” scene. I and Rodney (who, in case you didn’t know, is my robot best friend whom I built in high school) have been a...
1 tag
1 tag
1 tag
3 tags
The full collection of blurbs for Everything You Need to Survive the Apocalypse. Thirteen awesome blurbs from thirteen awesome authors!
“Smart, honest, and thought-provoking, Everything You Need to Survive the Apocalypse is like nothing I’ve read before. What an amazing debut!” —Lisa Schroeder, author of I Heart You, You Haunt Me and The Day Before
“Maddeningly...
3 tags
Three final blurbs for Apocalypse!
“Soulful, but sinfully funny, Everything You Need to Survive the Apocalypse is for any reader who’s ever had to deal with ‘the end of the world.’ (In other words, all of us!)” – Micol Ostow, author of 30 Guys in 30 Days and Family
A pretty great blurb, right? Micol’s recent book, Family, has been called “Terrifyingly...
3 tags
Good morning! I’m wrapping up the Apocalypse blurbstravaganza today with six more excellent blurbs. Three right now, three later, just to keep the blurbcitement going.
Blurbity blurbity blurb!
“High School only feels like the end of the world. What do you need to survive? Good friends, faith it will all work out, belief in yourself, and a sense of humor. Everything You Need to Survive the...
3 tags
Three more fantastic blurbs about Apocalypse!
“A powerful, thoughtful story about the wonders of first love and a young man’s quest to find a truth he can believe and live for. Lucas Klauss has written with courage about love and faith.” — Francisco X. Stork, author of Marcelo in the Real World
This blurb was immensely flattering because I’m a big fan of...
3 tags
Going into the blurb request process for my upcoming novel, I deliberately kept low expectations. To ask a busy person (i.e. an author) to take the time to read your entire book and craft something pithy and nice to say publicly about it is to ask a fairly large favor—and not necessarily of someone you know well or have even spoken to before.
So the fact that we received a total of thirteen...
1 tag
I love this new Ben Folds Five song even more than the other new Ben Folds Five song. I think that’s because it sounds like track nine on the fourth album they never made, whereas the other song sounds like track three on Ben Folds’s next album.
1 tag
