May 2012
3 posts
1 tag
Things I have been up to lately:
Chilling the eff out. At the end of April, I finally finished the first draft of my second novel. All in all, it took me about a year and a half to write it, and a big chunk of it was written just in the past few months. I feel really good about it but also nervous about the work that remains to be done, and I’ve been taking this month as a necessary break...
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To: Romney 2012 LGBT National Outreach Team
From: Jeff Naybor, Romney 2012 LGBT Outreach Director
Subject: Some changes
Hey, gang!
Just wanted to touch base with the two of you. Please be assured that, despite the media’s distortions and contortions, Mr. Grenell’s recent resignation as foreign policy spokesman was his personal choice and does *not* indicate any distancing from, “muzzling” of, or...
April 2012
3 posts
1 tag
Give My Book Away by the Red Hot Chili Lucas...
Over on my Twitter.com, I’m doing a giveaway, y’all [UPDATE: I gave it away]. If you enter and win, I will send you a signed copy of the first printing of APOCALYPSE, which has now entered a second printing. Here is the jingle I wrote for this giveaway, set to a tune similar to but not exactly “Give It Away” by the Red Hot Chili Peppers:
Give my book away
Give my book...
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I hope soon to return to writing silly jokes here. In the meantime, I can tell you that the humor collection in which I will have some silly political joke pieces has a name now: The McSweeney’s Book of Politics and Musicals. Mine are more on the Politics side, but you can sing them if you want—it wouldn’t qualify as a gaffe! Or a filibuster! Or an Obamacare!
Such silly jokes.
March 2012
11 posts
Just a reminder, y’all: The NYC Teen Author Festival is going on right now! All this week! And I’m gonna be in it! On Friday! Twice! And also on Sunday! Just once! Details and fewer exclamation points below!
Friday, March 30
New Voices Spotlight, 4:40 - 5:30 p.m. At the 42nd Street Main Branch of the New York Public Library (Bergen Room). I and four other debut authors (Emily...
scarfspiration asked: What inspires you? Are there certain places you look for inspiration, or is it always random?
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The rewards of authorship are sometimes unexpected. Case in point, this magnificent artwork commissioned by my good friend, Katie, and her husband, Nate, and created by Nate’s brother, Andrew—all in honor of Apocalypse. There are a few clever in-jokes here that some of you might not get; the harmonica on the rug, for instance, is a reference to my brief detainment on the isle of Capri for...
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Thanks for the questions, y’all. I had fun answering them! So much fun, in fact, that I’ve decided to keep the Ask option open from now on. If you think of something you’d like me to elaborate upon (e.g. thematic stuff, publishing crap, writing junk, biographical garbage, or Sabra hummus flavors), click that ? up there and slap an interrogative on me, bro/dudette.
As a...
Anonymous asked: This is Ragnar. I know that your book went through several revisions. When, in the process of thinking about it or actually writing it, did you have a clear idea of the ending? I know that some writers know exactly where they're going and others sort of discover where they're headed as they write. What was your experience?
grutty asked: If you could co-write a book with anyone, who would it be?
letpetitjuif asked: Is it true that you have a third nipple?
Anonymous asked: It's Kevin. Who were your characters based on? I could picture several kids in my grade, several coaches, and several kids in your grade throughout this adventure. Do tell.
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Do you have a question for me?
There’s a bit I do on this blog sometimes called Author Q&A. In it, I answer questions that have been posed to other, more famous authors during interviews at publications significantly more prestigious than lucasklauss.com. It is a hoot.
But it occurs to me that, now that two months have passed since my book came out, some people might have actual questions to ask me. Maybe you read...
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Lucas,
I want you to be one of the first to know about an exciting development in my 2012 presidential campaign. Not only is it a historic first in American politics, but it is also a necessary step in protecting the achievements we’ve made in my first term.
Lucas, I have chosen a sentient drone named Drone Biden to be my vice-presidential running mate this election.
Now, how about...
This year’s NYC Teen Author Festival (March 26 - April 1) should be awesome. It appeals to a wide variety of people, including:
1. People who like YA literature.
2. People who like YA authors. Pretty much all of them are going to be there.
3. People who like harvest festivals but wish there was less harvesting and more teen authors.
4. People who are curious what the acronym NYC stands...
February 2012
6 posts
1 tag
You may spot him one morning on your bedroom windowsill. He might appear on your desktop at work. Or perhaps, as you finish your evening glass of wine, you will notice him resting on the bottom of the glass, his glossy coat shining in the candlelight. But wherever you encounter him, when the tiny horse enters your life, the sight of him will strike fear into your heart.
For you will know your...
Look, I’m not saying you *have* to think my book is “thoughtful” and “often witty” or that it features many “well-drawn” relationships. I’m just saying that’s what the professional book reviewers at Publisher’s Weekly think.
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In an effort to further promote Everything You Need to Survive the Apocalypse, my debut young adult novel, I will be self-publishing a few YA novellas throughout the year. This particular novella, which I wrote a couple of years back, was originally an adult thriller set amid the high-stakes chaos of the 2008 financial crisis. After sending it to several hundred agents and getting no takers, I...
2 tags
Songs Brendan ruined
“What I Like About Brendan” by The Romantics
“With or Without Brendan” by U2
“All You Need is Brendan” by The Beatles
“Someone Like Brendan” by Adele
“Single Ladies (Put a Brendan On It)” by Beyonce
“Brendan Jean” by Michael Jackson
“Total Eclipse of the Brendan” by Bonnie Tyler
“Like a Bat out of...
Inside tip for my Tumblr friends: Even though I say—in my post for Amazon’s blog today—that I like not eating chicken fingers all the time now that I’m an adult, that’s not actually true. I just said that for the joke. I totally would eat chicken fingers all the time still if I could!
Now you know that I will completely sell myself out for a mildly funny joke about...
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January 2012
11 posts
2 tags
An excerpt from Booklist’s starred review of APOCALYPSE: “Insightful, humorous, and truthful….Already a skilled and polished writer, first-novelist Klauss offers adult and youth characters that are developed, realistic, and provocative….This book could well become the sort of came-from-nowhere, sustained hit that Stephen Chbosky’s Perks of Being a Wallflower proved to...
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As an author, there is nothing I value more highly than protecting my readers’ trust. Not even money, which authors don’t make a lot of, by the way. Therefore, when I endorse a product and/or business here on my blog, I only endorse products and/or businesses that I personally use, understand, and like very much. I wouldn’t spend my (and your) valuable time writing about...
My eight tips for aspiring writers
This month I finally achieved my long-held dream of becoming a published author. And I have to say, it’s been pretty sweet so far. Seeing my book in stores, hearing from fans, setting out on a national tour that took me everywhere from Brooklyn to Atlanta to Brooklyn—these experiences are the incredible realization of what, for years and years, seemed a far-fetched ambition. I truly am grateful...
2 tags
The Sasquatch's social circle
The Basquatch (good friend)
The Jasquatch (pretty good friend)
The Trasquatch (mentor, hunting buddy)
The Masquatch (beloved wife)
The Kelsquatch Sasquatch-Masquatch (cherished daughter)
Devin the Fox (fox)
The Prasquatch (jackass brother)
The Kalkasquatch (emotionally distant sister)
The Yarsquatch (boisterous, drunkard father)
The Ostersquatch (deceased, uncaring mother)
The...
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I had one (1) metric ton of fun sitting down for a conversation on Ramsey Ess and Adam Maid’s podcast, Wonderful, Thanks. Click here to listen to us talk about why I became the Milkfuls guy in high school, why Downton Abbey is suddenly so damn popular, urinary-tract-invading robots, English teachers, catchphrases, and, of course, the apocalypse. There are one or two curse words.
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John Galt apologizes
For years, you have been asking: Who is John Galt?
And where the hell did he and his bastard friends go?
Well, this is John Galt speaking. Again. I’m really sorry for taking over the airwaves. Again. But I owe you, the surviving American public, an apology and a follow-up explanation—at the very least. And this time there won’t be any melodramatic diction or pseudo-Nietszche crap, I swear. I...
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The Pew Speculation Center was founded in 1991 (probably) with three (maybe four) purposes: 1. to identify stuff that American citizens want to know but don’t care enough to actually find out, 2. to think up things that explain the aforementioned stuff, and 3. present those things in the form of data. The other reason had something to do with the year 2000, we think.
Today we are proud to...
2 tags
The most nonexistent states in the United States...
Joshifornia
Washongton
West West Wesssst Virginia
New Gas Station
The Freshest Territories
Underneath Delaware
The State Where Puppies Run a State
Joshylvania
Puerto Rico
Fake Canada
Internet Oklahoma
The State Where Everything’s Only 99¢
A Hopeless Place
Richard Scarry’s Supposed Birthstate
Hair-o-land
The State ONLY for Barbaras and Barbs NO EXCEPTIONS
Australia
...
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As an author, I am a witty, charming, observant, and kind person who is wise beyond his years. However, as an only recently published and mostly unknown author, not enough people are aware of all that. They simply haven’t bothered to find out.
So, until the day I receive my due notoriety and praise, I will have to settle for answering questions that have been posed to other, more famous...
So. I guess the earth didn’t explode? I mean, I’m looking around and everything seems to still be in place, more or less. No explosions at all, really. I imagine you’re having a similar experience.
Well. Okay. Good! I guess I just miscalculated? Let me just go back real quick and check…
Ohhhhhh. Yeah. Totally miscalculated. The earth isn’t exploding for another...
December 2011
5 posts
You may be interested to know that my McSweeney’s piece, “The Seething Resentment Reading Series,” was named as one of the best humor pieces of 2011 by Splitsider. But you may not. I would totally get that and it would be okay with me!
4 tags
Tips for what to do with your last week of earth...
Guys, if you’re reading this, chances are you’re one of the few people in the world who actually seems to give a crap that the world’s only ONE WEEK AWAY from blowing up. I don’t know what the problem is. I tried to warn everybody! But, as of this writing, only about 650 people have seen that video. What about the other 6,999,999,350 people?!?!
Not that I’m...
2 tags
Only 14 days until the molten core of the earth...
And also my book comes out.
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21 days until the planet explodes
Hey, y’all. Just a friendly reminder that the whole world is going to blow up in less than a month.
I guess I’m a little surprised at what I’m seeing out there on the streets, which is to say not the total chaos of people attempting to fulfill their final and most secret wishes as the final hours of humanity close in but rather the sometimes silly and disgusting but mostly...
2 tags
October 2011
2 posts
Dear Cherished Reader
Hello. Thank you for reading. You are cherished.
As you may be aware, I have been writing a New Book over the past several months. The process is going pretty well so far and I have a big chunk of a first draft. Buuuuut. I need to get an even bigger chunk of the New Book written before Everything You Need to Survive the Apocalypse comes out on January 4th.
So. Posting, I’m afraid, will be...
1 tag
I understand that the Limbo House was not a tremendous success last year. If anyone understands that, I do. It’s been my greatest shame in eight years of deacondom.
In retrospect, we went too literal. Very few teenagers, it turns out, are interested in learning about speculative theology and thoughts about the temporary, in-between spiritual state of unbaptized children and ancient Jews....
September 2011
30 posts
2 tags
1 tag
There’s an excellent article in the most recent issue of Rolling Stone about the first year of Late Night with David Letterman. The article isn’t available online to non-subscribers*, but here’s an excerpt I found fascinating:
By the end of its first year, Late Night was still a cult hit, drawing only a million viewers a night. A-list guests remained elusive. But a few big...
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Hello, Resident,
We at NYCWasteLess wanted to notify you of an exciting new development in your neighborhood! This Monday, you’ll notice that your usual green and blue recycling bins have been joined by a hole in the ground halfway filled with dirt. This is your building’s new Aspiration Recycling bin!
Once a renewable resource, aspirations have become much more scarce due to the...
1 tag
As an author, I am a witty, charming, observant, and kind person who is wise beyond his years. However, as a not quite published and mostly unknown author, not enough people are aware of all that. They simply haven’t bothered to find out.
So, until the day I receive my due notoriety and praise, I will have to settle for answering questions that have been posed to other, more famous...
2 tags
1 tag
“I’m gonna do this show until they won’t let me anymore.”
– Louis CK
That’s good news. Louie is probably the boldest and most inventive show on TV. It’s thrilling to watch the episodes unfold.
The whole first season is now available on Hulu.